Sex Personals News And Reviews

Retarded Ejaculation : Delayed Ejaculation

Written by Dr David Delvin, GP and family planning specialist

The terms ‘delayed ejaculation’ (DE) and ‘retarded ejaculation’ (RE) mean inability of the man to reach a climax. However, in most of the cases which I have treated, the sufferer can actually achieve orgasm during masturbation – but not during sex.

RE is the third most common male sexual disorder – after impotence (erectile dysfunction) (ED or impotence) and premature ejaculation. It is not easy to treat: in a series of cases seen by Delvin and Webber, only 58 per cent were signicantly improved by treatment. All of these successful couples were well-motivated, and willing to persevere with long-term therapy.

The old term for this condition was ‘ejaculatory incompetence’, but that unfortunate expression is now being dropped, because it suggested that the person was ‘incompetent’ in some way. So, most sex therapists now prefer to say ‘retarded ejaculation’.

However, just to add to the confusion, you may find articles on the Internet which refer to this condition by other titles, such as:

• Ejaculatory dysfunction
• Ejaculatory overcontrol
• Anejaculation
• Inhibited orgasm
• Delayed ejaculation
• Situational retarded ejaculation.

This disorder is not all that common, and nowhere near as frequently seen as the other two main male sexual problems.. So there is remarkably little in the medical literature on this subject, apart from the pioneering works of Masters and Johnson, and of Helen Kaplan and her associates in the USA.

In Britain, I have found that it tends to occur mainly in men who have been rather strictly brought up, and who are very ‘controlled’ in their lives. Some of them have terrific ‘drive’ and detachment, and have risen almost to the top of their professions. They may have difficulty in showing emotions, and in ‘letting go’. Other possible causative factors which have been identified by sexologists include:

• Fear of causing a pregnancy
• Fear that the vagina is ‘dirty’
• Over-strict religious upbringing
• Latent gayness.
• What is the man’s sexual history?

In his youth, he may not feel that he has any problem, and indeed may well assume that all other men are the same as him.

When they first have intercourse, these guys are often very popular with their partners – for the simple reason that they can keep going for two or three hours!

But when they get into a regular relationship, especially one in which the couple hope to have children, RE can be a major problem. Both the man and woman may become sore and frustrated, and the female partner often feels resentful (or even insulted) that her man does not ejaculate when they make love.

Not surprisingly, it is common for men with RE to have had several broken relationships – because their partners have decided that they want somebody who can ‘come’.

Sometimes the man seeks help after a divorce. More commonly, a couple may ask for treatment when they are getting desperate to have a baby.

So is RE always a psychological problem?

Nearly always. But there is one major exception.. Ejaculation problems quite often occur suddenly in men who have had no previous difficulties, but who have recently been put on certain medications, particularly antidepressants, by their doctors.

In these cases, a change in medication will usually cure the problem.

Excessive use of alcohol can also cause difficulty in ejaculation, as can some ‘recreational’ drugs.

Serious spinal injuries can also create major problems with achieving ejaculation. They are outside the scope of this article, but it is worth noting here that men who have this type of injury can produce an ejaculate, and can therefore father children, by means of electrical stimulation of the prostate area (‘electro-ejaculation’).

What can be done for men with retarded ejaculation?

Unfortunately, there is no instant cure. At present, there simply aren’t any drugs that will make a man ‘come’. But there is a good chance of putting things right through counselling, provided both the man and his partner really want to cure the problem.

What does this counselling involve?

The commonest method is based on the pioneering work of American experts who have developed behaviourist ways of helping the man to relax and ‘let go’ when he is with his partner.

Generally, it is the case that the man can reach orgasm by self-masturbation and maybe through love play, but not through intercourse.

So the therapist may encourage the couple to gradually proceed to a situation where the man can ejaculate just outside his partner’s vagina, and eventually go on from there to a more ‘advanced’ situation where he is able to cope with ejaculating inside her.

In a slightly different variety of therapy devised by American experts Masters and Johnson, the couple first go through a period of treatment in which actual sex is ‘off limits’, but kissing and cuddling are encouraged.

Then they progress to a stage where the woman, sitting astride the man, masturbates him till he reaches orgasm (even if this takes two hours or more). Finally, they move on to a situation in which she lowers herself onto him shortly before he climaxes.

Generally, the object of all therapy is to gradually diffuse the man’s anxiety about giving up his ‘control’ - so that he can climax inside his partner without difficulty.

In one or two of our cases, it has not proved possible to get the man to the stage where he ejaculates inside the vagina – yet the couple are desperate to have a child. These days, such couples can be helped to conceive by IVF (‘test-tube’) techniques.

Where can I get help?

Help is available from psychosexual clinics - your GP can refer you, if he knows of one.

Other organisations which can be of assistance include:some Family Planning Clinics – but unfortunately they’re very much overworked these days. There are also some private clinics, but very few of them have any real experience of treating retarded ejaculation.

Beware of people who want to give you hormones, or who try to relieve you of very large sums of money!

If you search the net, you will find that there are some clinics who claim that Chinese herbal treatment produces a near-100 per cent success rate. This does not seem very likely. Claims are also made for yoga and for hypnotherapy as modes of treatment.

Summing up…

Retarded ejaculation is a frustrating and trying condition for both partners. But with some expert help – and a determination to persist with therapy – you can defeat it.

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But if you cannot solve the problem, and you are keen to have a baby, you should definitely consider IVF – especially if your years of fertility are running out.

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